i was thinking that as a first step i could at least go back to online games i played in the past and enjoyed like tera or war thunder. and there i could try to make some "friends" - if they can be called friends. to socialize maybe even to help noobs with money in tera like i did before. but i noticed that a lot of people don't always say what they think about me - unless they're in a group like you do now. for instance there was this guy in war thunder SatyrAngel and he was quite pro he taught me stuff. he said he's 35 from mexico etc but he had this impersonal way of talking like he's always being "objective" as he called it. so i started easy but because he didn't comply at all i talked even more crazy. not insulting him in any way just troll talk you know. and suddenly he blocked me both on the forum and in the game.. and that's the last i saw of him. and i don't really know what to think about war thunder anyway because in order to make "friends" i need to talk on microphone in team speak and my voice is so bad. i'd rather keep playing offline games than to waste my time just for this stupid idea of trying to help others. and even if i help someone i'd err?.. i'd "unhelp" others! if i give a lot of money to a player it means that most likely he'll spend less real money himself to fund the game hosting company right? so it's not really a help at all - it's just taking from a side and giving to the other.

May I ask how old you are? I do not intend to insult you or anything, I'm just curious. I've got the impression you feel rejected and not accepted by the people around you and in order to protect yourself from disappointment and getting hurt you build this 'I just don't give a F****-bubble around yourself.
An important lesson: You don't have to buy people things if you want them to like you. People will soon begin to exploit you and drop you as soon as they have satisfied their needs. Money does not buy you real friends. Help people by showing interest in their problems, offer to spend some time together, talk about random stuff, find common interests.
Many people on the internet behave like dicks because they don't have to fear consequences for their actions. So before you turn to the internet community as your primary ressource for friends, check your real life community. Are there people at school or at work you could socialize with? Always check those possibilities first.


P.S.: Never forget, the way people treat you as a person mirrors your appearance (not in a physical way) and your attitude in public. Be an open person and people will be open towards you. Seal yourself off from society and people will treat you as that.

i'm 30... born on 18th may 1985 :-/ i feel very sad because i'm so old and yet i accomplished so little - this is a big stress factor to me when i see someone at my age in a suit and tie, already married and with children, etc. i look at them and then i look at me! :( and it's so depressing to think that maybe we had the same chances in life however one turns a prince and the other is a beggar! it's like comparing swan eggs with crow eggs - maybe they look the same in the beginning but they turn into completely different things. and yes i am rejected by everybody because i don't work - i have problems with my belly. just this morning i made exercise to lose fat.. and besides this i also have a muscular electro stimulator device to lose fat too. i'm not fat at all on arms or legs but my belly looks nasty.. it's BIG and fat.. i think i have like 7+ kilograms of fat on my belly.. :( so i'm sitting at home all day long! what else can i do? and if i go outdoors what if i meet someone like it happened in the past... what would they think about me now?

Getting married isn't all there is to life man. I'm 30, unmarried and perfectly happy. I'd much rather be writing than worrying about looking after children. Fuck what every one else is doing too - it's not a competition. There really isn't anything to accomplish in life except to decide what it is you enjoy doing and doing it with as much passion as you can.

It's hard as hell being in a rut - I've been there, but the first thing to do is decide what you want to do. For the record - I have a bit of a beer belly, but it's bought and paid for so I don't worry about it. A bit of extra weight can be dealt with by doing what you are doing - excising and eating well.

Do you have anything that interest you that you want to do specifically?


And for the record - we on GOG have never met you before and we're taking the time to talk with you - so you can't be that bad right?

Well first, I'm sorry to hear that you feel so uncomfortable with yourself. But I do think there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Look, when you started this topic you was just like "I'm selfish and don't care about others but now I'm afraid something bad will happen if I don't invest in my cosmic karma" and now you have taken some steps ahead. You seem to know where your problems are and that's great because being aware of your problems is the first and most important step to solve them.

Do not compare yourself with other people. There are people in my social environment too who are younger than me and already make tons of money. Others have a family and just bought a nice house for their families. But that doesn't matter. What you feel is envy, because you think you will never have what they have and that is the source of your attitude. But everyone has his own speed in accomplishing things in life. You said you are 30 and you sound as if you think that life is already over for you but it is not. Life can and will change in the blink of an eye.

You said you are not working at the moment. Is it because you have some physical condition? You mentioned being unhappy with your weight? I don't think you are too stupid to work (forgive those words), your English for example is very good for a non-native speaker so I think your only 'mental' problem is self-doubt. However if you can work I would recommend you to do it. Not only does it give you some extra money but most important: it gives you a daily routine, something you have in mind when you got to bed and something to get up for every morning. I don't know anything about possibilities to work where you live but try find something to keep you busy even if it doesn't bring you a fortune.

I can't help you loose weight, that's up to you (actually I struggle with similiar problems myself...food is just too tasty ;-)). You said you are doing exercises, that's a first step isn't it? Just don't expect immediate results. Getting in shape and loosing weight can take some time. But if you do regular exercises you will feel better. Not only because you will see results but for some reason doing sports makes people feel better with themselves.

You see, the key to all of this is devotion and not giving up as soon as you encounter resistance. Resistance will always be there but not just for you, but for everyone. The trick is to keep going what you are doing. Success is not the results of a perfect first try. Success is the result of keeping focused in the face of many failures. Before you learn to walk you must learn to fall.

I know this might sound a lot like hollow words but it is the truth although you might think that this doesn't apply to you right know. Try giving your life a routine. Get up every morning at the same time, do some exercises, go to work or do some cleaning at your place and try to eat everyday at the same time. Everybody's life needs a structure so does yours. Try to get in contact with friends from your past, as you said you have nothing to loose. And don't envy or dislike people for what they have. Some are born with a golden spoon in their mouth but mostly it takes devotion and keeping focused.


By the way: A crow is a much more intelligent (almost conscious) and useful animal than a swan. A swan maybe nice to look at but that's all. So beeing a crow isn't that bad at all ;-)

I once had a dream that I was a crouton, and that I was being chased by an angry mob of bacon bits.

It was all part of what history would remember as "The Great Condiment Conflict" though it would be better known to us as "The Salad Topping Wars".

i thank you for your kind words.. it means something when a person, even a stranger, can understand me :(

"Do not compare yourself with other people. There are people in my social environment too who are younger than me and already make tons of money."

but i tried so hard to become someone................ :(((((( in my first school when i went to olympics in math i was the best from the whole school and 5th from the city even though math is not my thing - informatics i like much more. then my parents moved me to a better school where i met a girl who completely ruined me... i also met her in highschool and even afterwards.. it was like destiny.. i didn't stand a chance... my parents kept pushing me to learn as best i could but they didn't educate me at all about society.. i didn't know how to behave to her.. i just didn't know i should run away from a girl :(

"Is it because you have some physical condition?" yes of course! since 2004 at the end of highschool my skull is CRACKED! i'm serious that girl cracked my head! and it didn't heal even now. on the outside you can't see a thing even if i shave my head but when i did that err?... MRU? magnetic resonance thing - it looked in my head and it could clearly be seen that i have a huge crack from front to back on top of my head... the hit was on top of the head, right side. and that portion of the brain controls the left foot... i mean sometimes if i try to stand on one foot with my eyes closed, i can stand on right foot (controlled by left portion of brain). but sometimes when i try with left foot i'm just about to fall. i can't keep my balance.............. so there were periods of time when i couldn't even walk normally! but as i said before, the crack of my skull is not the only problem - since 2005 the next year after 2004, i also have problems with my belly... terrible pains in belly and all the rest of my body and sometimes it makes me dizzy too! i know why i have this problem... but you just wouldn't believe if i'd tell you - you'd probably think i'm trolling... so i guess i'd better shut up about it.. it's really horrible just to imagine...

"However if you can work I would recommend you to do it." there's no way i could possibly work - not even to mop the filth from the streets. even after 2004 and 2005 with everything that happened to me, there was a period in 2009 when i felt a little better.. so in 2010 i enlisted in an informatics university. but soon the problems got back to me and after 2nd year i had to drop out!.. even after i dropped out...... i STILL wanted to work.. from home... but no... i just can't... so there's no more hope for me to ever have a job. and you say my "life" isn't over? it was over more than 10 years ago. what i have now is hell on earth

I would love to read an actual pyschologist's interpretation of that.
Or even better, watch the VHS. Looks like a movie I would love xD.

I just don't give a f***..... about what the OP said! :D

numerology says that my life path number is 1 the lowest of all numbers. people like me are weak, they (we) need to learn how to be independent and live on our own so it's normal for me to be concerned only about myself. you on the other hand, you seem happy, strong, healthy - so who's the a$$hole now me or you? and sometimes i did care about others! i said that i needed to learn how to live on my own.. to be independent.. maybe that's why my parents were so obsessed about me learning stupid crap... destiny.. but i believe that maybe life forces us to learn even more - forces us to learn that we need qualities from our next number too? i mean number 2 - that's about relations with other people. it's said that number 1 gives independence so it's good but it's also better to learn how to cooperate with people.. maybe if i had some "cooperation" in me i wouldn't have ended with ripped guts and a broken head........ but how was i supposed to know all this? so many people don't know numerology or tarot, astrology and they still make the right choices.. while me, it seems i'm more slow to adapt.. :(

i'm pretty sure that after i'll die i'll go to hell for ever if hell does exist.. it makes sense after an existence like this... but even if.... even if god himself would offer me all the happiness in the world, all the paradise for ever just for me to live one single more time then i'd wipe my ass with god's face....... maaaaaaan....... :( i just can't believe how much i've suffered.. when i remember all those things.. how she cracked my head... the pressure inside my head... the blood i swallowed... the pains........ i really don't want to live in this piece of sh!t world for another second.. but i can't harm myself either... how can i harm myself after how much harm i already received? as i said, i care about myself

Strangest thread this week.

Yeah, you have a point.

You mean you actually read that whole fucking thing!?

Shit, I'm waiting for the Cliff Notes.

You just don't give a f***, you have to pay for it!

(Sorry, TinyE wasn't playing ball, so I'm in as the substitute crude commenter, alternative option was "you charge for it", but that suggests someone might pay. I didn't realise what a complicated job TinyE had, decisions, decisions.)

I skimmed it. I dunno what the hell he was on about, but he sure was passionate about it.