Hi people :-)
How's life today?
Not a bad assortment of Halloween titles there, kind of....
Good evenoon, Stilly!
Life is okay. I've been feeling a little bit "off" today, mostly mentally. However, as much as I love complaining (and I really
love complaining. Ask my friends.) I really shouldn't be. When I look at how much my mental state has improved over the last 12 months, it is really incredible, and hard not to be positive about it. I'm not even sure what caused such a huge change in my attitude, but I'm guessing that a near-fatal medical problem last year, quitting my medication that I took for 11 years, and the lovely people of this thread all had something to do with it. Still, there are bad days. There always will be, no matter who you are and how good your life is.
While quitting my medication has been awesome, it is not without its downsides though. I was a bit "numb" while I was taking it, so now that I'm off, I'm feeling everything, and I feel it more strongly than I did even before. I am able to feel more "alive" and happy than I have in years, but at the cost of also feeling the lows more intensely. My mental, emotional, and even physical sensitivity has increased massively since being medication-free :
1) Mentally. I have to be more careful with my anxiety triggers. The slightest things can send me into a panic attack, or a depression.
2) Emotionally. Anything can make me cry. I went years without a single tear, which got to be incredibly frustrating at times. Now I'm a damn fountain, which can also be quite frustrating. I feel more deep sadness, but high highs as well, so it works out. Then again, even the sadness feels good, because I can feel it so deeply now, which I appreciate in a way; it makes me feel "human."
3) Physically. My sensitivity to pain has increased dramatically. Never in my life have I been unable to stop myself from screaming curse words into a pillow because pain is so bad. Additionally, my stomach pain has increased in frequency (this may be a withdrawal symptom that is still lingering.)
Still, it has been totally worth it to quit the medication. I feel like myself for the first time in... 14 years? If it meant having even more brutal lows and more intense pains, I'd say bring it on as long as I get to keep feeling the good shit too. I love it all. 6 months med-free (as of yesterday. Be sure to give my Guardian Owl many more +1's when you next see her for getting me this far,) and it feels good every day.
Anyway... today... Today is a day when all those new and improved sensitive feelings hit me hard - both the good and bad ones, and it throws me off a little. Cycling rapidly between really good and really bad, and getting a bit lost because of how quickly it changes. I can't really say it's been good or bad. It's been both. Overall though, I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10.
This has been a ninja-novel by A.E. Birdnest. Sorry you were the unlucky recipient of it :-)