This is a terrible joke my GF told me - I don't remember it exactly and the translation probably sucks but it went something like this:

A gardener is working at a mental institute. One of the patients sees him through the window and asks: "What are you doing?" "I'm fertilizing the strawberries." "Aha, okay." Ten minutes pass. The patient asks again: "What are you doing?" Again the gardener answers "I'm fertilizing the strawberries." "Aha, okay." A few minutes later the patient asks again: "What are you doing?" The gardener loses his temper and yells: "I'm pouring shit over the strawberries!" The patient replies: "Man, am I stupid! I always eat them with sugar!"

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.

What says a fish when he hits the wall ?

-Dam !

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Why you should hang out with Mr Mushroom ?

-Because he's a fun guy ! :-D

Okay, here are some really evil jokes that are hopefully not ruined by my translation:

What is brown and knocks at the window?
A baby in the oven.

How do one break the nose of a blonde without touching her?
You put a 50 Euro banknote under a glasstable.

At the end of the school year 3 kids are threatened not to move up one class.
So they go to the headmaster who will decide whether they will move up or not.
Headmaster: "Martin, please spell "dad"."
Martin: "D - A - D."
Hd: "Good. You'll move up. Sarah, please spell "mom"."
Sarah: "M - O - M."
Hd: "Good, you'll move up, too, Sarah."
Hd: "So, now to you, Achmed. Please spell "discrimination against foreigners"."

I have an incredibly bad one, but it only works in Italian... consider that here "coffee shop=café=caffè=coffee".

A man enters a cafè.
SPLASH!

What is it that separates us from the animals?

Fences.

Not meant to offend anyone, and I don't take responsibility for the frosbite caused by these jokes

What does a Kenyan guy say when he eats at McDonald's? Kenya pass get me some ketchup?

How do you tell ''This is an indie game'' to a person who doesn't know English? Indi-yah.

Why don't Origin users (I use it, BTW) use Adblock? Because they want to play BF4.

What do you call a drunk Hun? BAR-barian!

Why did the Trojans lose the war? Because they thought their enemy sent them a gift.

What did the Aztecs think when the saw the Spanish (who they thought were gods) arrive with iron armor riding horses? Guess you'll have to clean up in heaven as well.

I held a joke contest here a while back, so I thought I'd share the winner from that thread, found by lugum:


Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
-Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
-Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
-Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
-Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
-Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Gold!

You know, the nile in Egypt is infested with crocodiles. So how can you cross it safely when there is no bridge and no ferry?

Just swim! All the crocodiles are at the meeting of all the animals anyhow!

Lol. I knew I was missing another part of that series of jokes. I'll have to remember that one next time I tell it.

How do you get holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What's a bee's favorite singer?

Sting.

"How are you?"

"I'm well."

"No, you're not a well. You're a person."

Heard this one from neighbor's kid.

What does mother-corn feed baby-corn?

Popcorn