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If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
K9P.
I had a deep dish slice for lunch today.

It was a pizza crap.
"Military music is to music as military justice is to justice." - Groucho Marx
Had a wooden car,
with little wooden wheels,
little wooden doors,
and a little wooden seat,
little wooden pedals,
and a little wooden key.
But upon trying to use it,
I found it wooden go...
The captain of an eighteenth century sailing vessel with many cannon was alerted by a voice coming from the crows nest, "Pirate vessel off the starboard bow approaching at flank speed!" The captain orders the lieutenant, "Bring me my red shirt." After a brutal battle and an attempted, yet unsuccessful boarding of his vessel, the pirates were defeated. The lieutenant queried his leader, "Captain, before the battle you requested your red shirt, may I ask why?" The captain replied, Yes, it was because if I had been injured the men would not have noticed and would not be disheartened, but continue to fight bravely." The lieutenant said, that's quite brilliant, sir."

The next morning the voice coming from the crows nest cried, "The enemy armada approaches with all speed!" The captain tells the lieutenant, "Bring me my brown pants."
Lmao
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Hooyaah: A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar.

The bartender says, Wait, is this a joke?"
Why did the priest, the rabbi and the imam cross the road? To change the lightbulb in the bar.
high rated
Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6, come before 1, 2, and 3?

Because, in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.
An amazing Spanish magician counted. Uno, dos... and vanished without a tres.
The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

“Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar.

After doing so, each one of them says, in turn, "Ouch!", as they had bumped their foreheads into the bar.
I went to the bank to deposit some cash and delivered it and a deposit slip to the teller. The teller asked me for my ID to prove that it's my account.

I replied, "What? Are you telling me that there other people trying to deposit money into my account and you aren't letting them?"
My girlfriend still misses me.

But, her aim is getting better.
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Hooyaah: My girlfriend still misses me.

But, her aim is getting better.
By "miss", you mean "young woman", right?

(Apparently, there was a translation of one of the Grandia games into German that made that mistake.)
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Hooyaah: My girlfriend still misses me.

But, her aim is getting better.
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dtgreene: By "miss", you mean "young woman", right?

(Apparently, there was a translation of one of the Grandia games into German that made that mistake.)
^ It's the bottom of the ninth, two outs, bases loaded, the batter has two strikes. The pitcher checks the runners...Here's the windup and the pitch...

SWOOSH ...and she's out!