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Protagonists Who are Better than You.

GOGmix by Hesusio's avatarHesusio 101votes

Beyond Good & Evil™

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: Jade is a reporter who almost single-handedly put a stop to a conspiracy to destroy the population of her home planet. She also took pictures of animals and raced hovercrafts at the same time, because she's just that hard. Jade is better than you.

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Broken Sword: Director's Cut

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: George Stobbart is a mere tourist who goes to Paris and stops a magic cult from taking over the world. In later games he kills a dragon and even a mother fucking god. He also has a hot girlfriend. George Stobbart is better than you.

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Duke Nukem 3D Atomic Edition

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: Duke Nukem, well... Neeedless to say, he shits all over you.

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Planescape: Torment

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: The Nameless One looks like the bastard child of one of those blue things from Avatar and a rastafarian. However, he is badass to the point of ripping out his own eye just to remember how he got it. The Nameless One is better than you.

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Sanitarium

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: Max (I can't remember his last name, so I'm just going to assume it's Power), manages to save a bunch of kids with his new wonder-drug despite being driven to batshit insanity by his asshole boss. Max Power is better than you.

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Syberia

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: Kate Walker is a totally hot lawyer who goes to Europe on a business trip, only to blow it off in favour of searching for mammoths instead. She also has a wind-up train. Do you have a wind-up train? No, you don't. Kate Walker is better than you.

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Longest Journey, The

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: April Ryan is able to both jump dimensions and save not only the world, but also another totally different world at the same time. She also has a talking bird and is totally hot. April Ryan is better than you.

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Psychonauts

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: Razputin is a kid with psychic powers. He can literally get inside your mind and fuck shit up. He also has epic goggles. Razputin is better than you.

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Witcher: Enhanced Edition, The

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Geralt gets to kill things for a living. He also gets lots of sex. Do you get lots of sex? No, no you don't, because you're playing video games rather than killing things and exposing yourself. Geralt is better than you.

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Anachronox

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Sylvester "Sly" Boots is a private investigator who can be thrown out of a window and survive perfectly unscathed. He can also save the world despite being grossly incompetent. Sly is better than you.

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Deus Ex™ GOTY Edition

Hesusio's rating:
250

Hesusio says: JC Denton managed to save the world through the power of nano-augmentations. I bet you can't even save your wallet through the power of a swift kick to a would-be mugger's bollocks. JC Denton is better than you.

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Blackwell Bundle

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Rosangela Blackwell, along with her ghost sidekick, manages to convince stupid ghosts that they're dead. I bet you can't even convince a creationist that they're wrong. Rosangela Blackwell is better than you.

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Assassin's Creed®: Director's Cut

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Altair was produced by a multicultural team of various religious faiths and beliefs. He also has a sword, a dagger, lots more daggers that he throws at people and one more dagger that he keeps up his sleeve. Altair is better than you.

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Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell®

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Sam Fisher is so sneaky that he can go completely unnoticed despite having three big fuckoff green lights on his head. He can also pull off a latex jumpsuit, which is more than I can say for your mum. Sam Fisher is better than you.

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Fahrenheit (Indigo Prophecy)

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Lucas Kane manages to kill a guy for shits 'n' giggles, and then have epic sex with his ex-girlfriend through the power of quick time events. There's also something about birds and saving the world in there somewhere. Lucas Kane is better than you.

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Thief™ Gold

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: Garret is a really sneaky bastard. So sneaky is he, that he actually manages to rob a freaking god and get away with it scot-free. He also fights zombies, but did it before everyone and their fucking dog was into it. Garret is better than you.

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Hatoful Boyfriend

Hesusio's rating: not rated yet
250

Hesusio says: The Hatoful Boyrfriend girl likes to fuck pigeons. Which to be honest is really not such an admirable quality. It's actually fucking disgusting, honestly, though it's still more than you'll ever achieve. The Hatoful Boyfriend girl is better than you.

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Treat your GOGmix as your child - name it! ;)

Coming up with a cool and descriptive title should be your first priority. Being original is in your best interest - bet you wanna get lots of nice votes, right? Go all crazy if you want, but be sure to keep it civil!

So, what are the ingredients?

Pick a game that belongs in your GOGmix from the list, or find it by typing something in the text field. Relevance is key here - Earthworm Jim doesn't quite fit the "Sexiest heroines of all time" bill now, does it?

Justify your choice... Or not!

OK, so it's not required, but now that you went through the trouble of adding a game, telling everyone why you did it would be a nice finishing touch. After you're done here, add another game, rinse, repeat.

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