Try this: http://www.gog.com/support/ultimate_body_blows/keyboard_controls_layout

Ok

There's a lot of games on GOG with no (or terrible) controller support. Not their fault, that's just old games. I use JoyToKey for situations like these.

Is everyone just supposed to GUESS WHAT THE CONTROLS ARE
A text file in the game folder would have been nice

This game works well enough with an XBox360 controller. But like Lokuas mentined earlier - use JoyToKey (and get yourself a USB Sega Saturn controller)

Thank you, but the new link is:
https://support.gog.com/hc/en-us/articles/214065525-Ultimate-Body-Blows



Keyboard controls layout

Our release of UBB uses the game's original control scheme.

The controls for Player 1 are:
W, E, R - jump up/left, jump up, jump up/right, respectively.
S, D - move left, move right.
Z, X, C - crouching block, crouch, sliding attack.
J - attack button (hold, or use in conjunction with the movement keys).

Player 2 uses the numeric keypad, and the Enter key.

If you wish to rebind your controls, you can use DOSBox's key mapper tool, by pressing Ctrl+F1, and change the keyboard layout in the game. This would make typing in high score names difficult, which is why we couldn't change the key mapping by default.