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SO MUCH SCHOOLWORK TO DO
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tinyE: The local newspaper just did an article about the noble life and career of my Uncle.

The man is an avid white supremacist, scam artist, lush, and pathological liar.

Boggles the mind.
I know avid is a fitting term here, but for some reason it just sounds funny. He's an 'avid white supremacist.' Makes it sound like he traded stamp collecting for nazi arm band sewing. Does he also keep a fine collection of die cast German army men?
Its a goddamn machine to grind you down.

Its all a fuckin waste.

Pointless.

Patheitc.

Broken.
Not so much a bitch, more of a reflection that a whole of bunch of people I don't know will read.

Over the past few months I've been going through a lot of changes in myself. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my life up to this point and where I want to go in the years to come. I've realised a few things about myself, and I've also come to the conclusion that in the long term I need to get out of New Zealand, for a while at least. I just so feel alone down here - I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alone. It's coupled with a need to move on.. there's nothing here for me. Every time I think about this, I get an urge to just give all my shit away, pack a bag and go somewhere - anywhere, but here.

I've been thinking about heading over to the US - Seattle or at least somewhere in Washington. I'm a programmer so I shouldn't have too much trouble finding work (I hope). That's long term.. I have some unfinished business here to take care of first. I'm just so restless in myself lately, I need the change; restless and frankly, a little lost. I need a fresh start.

On a side note, I've been watching videos made by people doing the Pacific Crest Trail. Fuck me that's great. I *have* to do that, at some point in my life. It's one of those things that if I don't do, I'll spend the rest of my life wondering "what if...?" and I can't live with those; they haunt me.
Post edited September 19, 2015 by qux
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KiNgBrAdLeY7: Damn myself for being a good person, honest and straightforward. Just as i was doing justice to myself, by getting related to new people on a new social media, trying to relive the good years and happy times that i NEVER did live in the first place and others continually ruined for me completely back then... Just while i was making a killing, being a hotshot and getting likes right and left and lucky moments here and there... Right when i was getting cute stuff devoted to me like paintings with hearts that not even once i received in offline life... I had to get honest and answer truthfully questions i was asked.

Why is the world so cruel and shameless? While i was hiding behind a mask, i was king in a winstreak. When i answered truthfully to questions about myself, former chummy persons and friend list members started deleting me. Even if i am a good boy and i sought strictly online and strictly friendship and stuff (i got some random bonus lucky moments too but i wasn't exactly after them), for once again, my honesty, life itself with its alienating "rules" and people's blindfolds (judging everything by numbers and narrow margins) conspired together, to give me the long finger, yet again...

The hypocrisy... One moment people telling me i am their bro and posting that on my wall, another moment cute things drawing me hearts with my nickname and theirs in it, then the very next moment when i answer truthfully to their questions, they turn me into an archfiend, an arch-villain or something and run off. Whatever is left from the remnants of my heart, truly weep.

And just as i was starting to reclaim the past from the future... Only thing i managed at the end, was a short glimpse of what could have been. A tiny substitute of the massive content i missed. Something transitory and very short, which ended up leaving me desiring more, instead of being sated.

Maybe i might have to resort to more cheats and hacks. For life. For now, i savor whatever few things i had the pleasure to rediscover and withdraw in yearning and regret. Tomorrow, the world is mine and i will see to it!
Because a lot of people can't handle the truth due to being too oversensitive. A lot of people were raised in a world with masks and when the masks come off, they can't mentally handle it. So you made these people very uncomfortable. On top of that, you didn't obey their rules when it comes to socializing. Sheep flock to sheep and hate those who are not of the herd. They don't like outsiders who are rebel scum in their eyes. But why do you see this as a bad thing? Why do you see yourself as someone who is being punished? You did yourself a favor. You put all the people you were talking to through a crucible that separates the fake sheep from the real people. And in the long run, this is a good thing because quality over quantity is a good thing. But if you resort to cheats and hacks, you will only be allowing yourself to live an illusion. And other than making you feel good once in awhile, an illusion is useless. And keep in mind, this illusion can turn on you anytime and hurt you badly. Surrounding yourself with sheep who wear masks is an invitation to being severely back stabbed. There are too many wolves in sheep's clothing, after all.
Post edited September 19, 2015 by monkeydelarge
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qux: Over the past few months I've been going through a lot of changes in myself. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my life up to this point and where I want to go in the years to come. I've realised a few things about myself, and I've also come to the conclusion that in the long term I need to get out of New Zealand, for a while at least. I just so feel alone down here - I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alone. It's coupled with a need to move on.. there's nothing here for me. Every time I think about this, I get an urge to just give all my shit away, pack a bag and go somewhere - anywhere, but here.
Concidentally, I've been thinking of moving out of Finland in a couple of years and even planning on how best to do it. I'm a student, which on one hand binds me to Finnish soil, but also gives me the option of going on exchange or completing my mandatory internship abroad, so I have that option if nothing else. That should see to the troublesome affair of finances, too, to some extent at least.

And yeah, the need to move on is a big motivator for me, too. While nobody can erase their past, I feel that being so close to mine is stagnating and oppressive. It hasn't been a terrible past, for the most part, but so much has changed in a very short time that I want to put some distance between it and myself. I fear that if I don't go out and live elsewhere while I'm still young, it'll become prohibitively difficult later. I don't want to end up in a situation where I look back at the crossroads of my life and, to quote Dream Theater "I once thought it better to regret things that I have done than haven't".
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qux: Over the past few months I've been going through a lot of changes in myself. I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting on my life up to this point and where I want to go in the years to come. I've realised a few things about myself, and I've also come to the conclusion that in the long term I need to get out of New Zealand, for a while at least. I just so feel alone down here - I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alone. It's coupled with a need to move on.. there's nothing here for me. Every time I think about this, I get an urge to just give all my shit away, pack a bag and go somewhere - anywhere, but here.
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AlKim: Concidentally, I've been thinking of moving out of Finland in a couple of years and even planning on how best to do it. I'm a student, which on one hand binds me to Finnish soil, but also gives me the option of going on exchange or completing my mandatory internship abroad, so I have that option if nothing else. That should see to the troublesome affair of finances, too, to some extent at least.

And yeah, the need to move on is a big motivator for me, too. While nobody can erase their past, I feel that being so close to mine is stagnating and oppressive. It hasn't been a terrible past, for the most part, but so much has changed in a very short time that I want to put some distance between it and myself. I fear that if I don't go out and live elsewhere while I'm still young, it'll become prohibitively difficult later. I don't want to end up in a situation where I look back at the crossroads of my life and, to quote Dream Theater "I once thought it better to regret things that I have done than haven't".
If I remember correctly, it is free to study in Germany. Another option, is joining the French Foreign Legion. :) But the French Foreign Legion is not for everyone. You could also do some volunteer work in another country. For example, volunteer work that involves helping monkeys.
Post edited September 19, 2015 by monkeydelarge
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monkeydelarge: Because a lot of people can't handle the truth due to being too oversensitive. A lot of people were raised in a world with masks and when the masks come off, they can't mentally handle it. So you made these people very uncomfortable. On top of that, you didn't obey their rules when it comes to socializing. Sheep flock to sheep and hate those who are not of the herd. They don't like outsiders who are rebel scum in their eyes. But why do you see this as a bad thing? Why do you see yourself as someone who is being punished? You did yourself a favor. You put all the people you were talking to through a crucible that separates the fake sheep from the real people. And in the long run, this is a good thing because quality over quantity is a good thing. But if you resort to cheats and hacks, you will only be allowing yourself to live an illusion. And other than making you feel good once in awhile, an illusion is useless. And keep in mind, this illusion can turn on you anytime and hurt you badly. Surrounding yourself with sheep who wear masks is an invitation to being severely back stabbed. There are too many wolves in sheep's clothing, after all.
Interesting prospect...

Still though, illusions aren't bad, especially if sometimes they get empowered into actively and physically being manifested, with power to manipulate even people and events of my choosing and even towards my own benefit, albeit usually short lived and easily threatened by meddling third parties... To be precise, illusions are usually the most i can afford, in the state i find myself into, due to other people's actions against me.

I insisted in staying there, though and got rewarded well for that. I must learn to hide things about me, especially my age, since i am cute and very younger-looking than i actually am. Because even for friendship, sheep hate older sheep and judge ONLY by numbers and looks, RARELY, almost NEVER, taking any other factors into account, pathetic and sad...

Another mask then, i have to don... I have no choice. Honesty was bad for the health of my interactions, online or otherwise. People love lies, hiding stuff about you, hypocrisy, subterfuge, secrets etc. I love honesty, so it was only natural, to have that treatment.

What i hate about life, no, about MY life, is that i am always FORCED to do OR HIDE things that i always HATED, in order to reap some certain "rewards". I am forced to always resort to cheats, hacks and "time travel", things that i always hated, too. The one thing i hate the most in this life, is not the rarity of my successes, but that in order to "succeed" in anything i set my eyes upon, i have no other choice than all those options, every single one of which i dreadfully hate.
Post edited September 19, 2015 by KiNgBrAdLeY7
One thing that irritates me is when I post a thread on one of the gaming subforums and the first reply (or any reply, really) is something to the effect of "this shouldn't be discussed" or "why are we discussing this" instead of an attempt to discuss the topic of the post. (I had this happen twice today by a user who I have seen post good things, but has also made that sort of post before.)

Another thing that's annoying is the typical response to bringing up sexism.

By the way, for anyone who happens to read this, I will downvote any unhelpful content-free replies I see. (I consider this the appropriate use of the downvote button; posts which do not contribute to the topic at all *should* be downvoted, while those that you simply disagree with generally should be left alone.)

Also, what do some people have against discussing exploits in single player games? (I should also point out that playing with exploits isn't always easy, as some exploits (like one I just found for some of the Gold Box games) can be tricky to pull off, and some (like the permanent spell glitch in Morrowind) can cause problems if you are not careful.)
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ScotchMonkey: Its a goddamn machine to grind you down.
Its all a fuckin waste.
Pointless. Patheitc. Broken.
I find that creating something once in a while alleviates these thoughts a bit. Coding, drawing, sculpture, furniture. Doesn't much matter what, provided you can look at it later and be satisfied. Anyway, be well.
To all the people against death penalty who think life is precious.

Imagine if this happened to your daughter- what would you do if you catch the people who did this-

http://clashdaily.com/2015/05/horrible-girl-savagely-beaten-then-burned-to-death-while-crowd-cheers-very-graphic/
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ScotchMonkey: Its a goddamn machine to grind you down.
Its all a fuckin waste.
Pointless. Patheitc. Broken.
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grimwerk: I find that creating something once in a while alleviates these thoughts a bit. Coding, drawing, sculpture, furniture. Doesn't much matter what, provided you can look at it later and be satisfied. Anyway, be well.
Thanks man, I'll try to do something constructive.

Its so damn frustrating y'know?
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AlKim: *snip*
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monkeydelarge: If I remember correctly, it is free to study in Germany. Another option, is joining the French Foreign Legion. :) But the French Foreign Legion is not for everyone. You could also do some volunteer work in another country. For example, volunteer work that involves helping monkeys.
Well, the Foreign Legion is out of the question. The most important factor to consider is that I would be taking my wife with me wherever it is that we decide on, and it needs to be a viable option for us both. It's not going to be for a while now anyway, so we'll have plenty of time to weigh our options.
nvm
Post edited September 20, 2015 by tinyE
Yeah, School is fun... I'm only doing a bachelor's degree, and I'm in my first year. It feels weird that I'm 9 years older than those who go into Uni straight after school, but hey, there's some twice my age that do it.

Pretty tired... I'm on Week 10 out of 12+Exam Week and there's 2 assignments due, I've gotta catch up on weekly quizzes for one of the courses, plus 2 exams to cram for at the end.

Not to mention, the kids want to whinge at the slightest thing or argue with each other of late. Oh, and wifey is having the biggest bitch fits because I'm finding it difficult to wake up at 6am every morning.

I'd also like to talk about my two best friends (10+ years) who just suddenly couldn't find the time for me because they're (insert appropriate word). If someone can help me find the definition for this scenario: I have kids, still have plenty of time for my friends, do so much for my friends. My friends have kids soon after, their time for me lessens, they do nothing for me.

Today I have three kids, both friends only recently had their second. I STILL would have time for them, but I just don't consider them friends anymore.

What do I call them? What is an apt definition?