My wife is divorcing me. I've never abused her, never hurt her, was always there for her. She wants to be out of a marriage and to live for herself without any attachments to me. She bottled up all of her problems and never shared how she felt with me and instead shared them with another guy who wanted a relationship with her. They've been sleeping around and he and his friends have all encouraged her to leave me. I've always adored her but she doesn't think I've shown it enough over the years, despite the fact I have and she doesn't remember.
I don't even have a job since I graduated, so I have to live with my parents while she lives with her "boyfriend" until she can get her own place. I have no money for my own place, no money to help out with the debt that I helped accrue on our joint account, and am alone for the first time in 12 years.
So yeah, fucking awesome Summer.
I'm so sorry man. Trust me, none of that stuff she's saying is true and it doesn't matter what you did or didn't so, the only reason she brings it up is self justification on her part. So don't think you somehow fell down on the job because she's trying to justify her bad behavior to herself. She knows what she's doing is kind of a douchebag move so she's doing all kinds of mental acrobatics to make herself not a bad person in her own mind.
For yourself, that sucks, you need to make sure you surround yourself with all the support you need, family and friends. Ask them to be there for you right now. I know you'd do the same for them and I bet they know it too.
The problem is that some of the things she says are valid, but are minor. Yeah, I should have helped out more than I did around the apartment. Yeah, I should have spent more time just relaxing with her than I did. Yeah, I should have bought her flowers more often on random occasions. But never once did I feel like I was giving the impression that I never loved her. I always said "I love you", always gave her deep kisses, always told her how special she was. I never held her back, always tried to be supportive, and was always there for her when she was feeling depressed.
She claims for the last 2 years she's been feeling trapped, that we've grown apart. She says she's felt it and accuses me of not seeing it, when there was nothing to see. For YEARS I've assumed our marriage was strong. Sure, there were bumpy times, but all marriages have that and we worked through them. Then one day in March she comes home and tells me she wants to leave, that shes been unhappy and feels like I've held her back or controlled her. We talked for weeks and she agreed to stay and I seriously thought we were making progress.
Then she just grew really distant. She wouldn't talk to me. Whenever I tried to find out what was wrong, she just looked off in the distance and said "I don't know". We had an argument and we agreed that for the night, she should leave to spend the night with her friend so she can get a clear head. She came back the next day and felt awkward. Then, the next day, I asked her if she was planning on divorcing me and was just hiding it. "Yes.". I tried talking her out of it, she wouldn't budge and said she needed to be on her own. Then I found the chat logs of her and her male friend, opening up to him, talking about how she feels dirty whenever I touch her and him suggesting she divorce me while saying he desires a relationship with her. I confronted her with the logs and it didn't even phase her, she said we still were too far apart now and it couldn't be fixed. She said she felt used in our relationship, that I was just using her for sex and to clean up after me, which is how I've NEVER viewed her.
When I tried to offer ways I could fix it and promise her that I would always show her how much I appreciate her, she said she would think it over. She did and realized that she couldn't trust me and that she would walk right back into the same problems. When I said that I had no clue how to tell she was feeling this way or that I could do these changes just to show more appreciation for her, she said I had 12 years to show her it. When I said she NEVER told me of any complaints she had about me or anything to communicate with me, she snapped back with "I shouldn't have had to." I gave her everything and everything I did with my life (military, college) was to get a good job so I could take care of her. It's all been thrown back in my face like I never appreciated her when I fucking worshipped her. And I still do.
Tomorrow I have to go see her at the apartment to plan how we are splitting belongings. I'm taking my car back from her since the title is in my name and I threw almost $2000 into repairs for it with MY money assuming she was staying with me since she said as much. I bought it primarily because she wanted a Mustang, but I wanted a nice car as well and it was a convertible, so bonus. She knows damn well she is the one leaving me and that I adore her, but she has made her choice.
I feel like shes going to regret the decision later in life, and I don't know that I will be there for her when she wakes up and realizes it. In the meantime, I need to find a job around the Portland area so I can move into a cheap apartment and start trying to rebuild my life. Hell, at this point I'd even welcome trying to find a girl that had similar gaming interests, but that seems nigh on impossible most of the time.