Okay, I've had enough, therefore I must bitch.
I don't have the slightest idea of what I really want to do about my professional life. I am a graduate in Aeronautical Engineering, one of the hardest majors in one of the top brazillian universities. Yep, it's the kind of major people double-take when you tell them - except I hate it.
It was a 5-year course. For the first 3 years, me and all of my classmates kept thinking "It's going to get better next year". It didn't, and in the 4th year nobody could even care anymore. Many thought about leaving, but I think we all decided it was too late, and stayed. Perhaps the next phase would prove things weren't so bad.
Then came the last year, and most people got into internships. It took me until middle of the year, but eventually I did, too. And while I found most of my colleagues were coming into terms with engineering and actually liking it, I just couldn't. Of the planned 6 months of internship, I left on the third, by the time it became truly unbearable to get up and go to work. By then, I had already changed focus, and decided to try trainee programs for administrative positions, which, I believe, was where I really wanted to be.
I signed up for some 17 different programs. 15 of them called me for the group tests. I failed 13 before I gave up. Bottom line: I do not have the psychological profile an administrator needs. In fact, from the little feedback I got, I recon I'm the perfect engineer.
I'd love so much to make those combustible lemons to burn life's house down.
So I hate what I'm meant to do (I come from a lineage of engineers, actually), and I'm not fit for what I really want to do.
Since I graduated in december, I've joined the competition for public jobs. They pay well, are more relaxed, and give you stability (that is slowly changing for the good of the nation, but even if they gave as much pressure as private companies, they would still be better). It's extremely hard to get into them, but all you need is to do well in a test, and that's what I'm good at (it's the social skills that get me).
Problem is, you have to wait for the jobs to come by, and it's a slow process. Even if you go better than everybody else in a test, you might still need to wait up to 2 years to be called. And since I'm only beginning, I'm running for jobs that will get me a third of the payment I'd get if I went to engineering. Okay, I can live with that and stability, but now come's the catch: my father has cancer.
Chemotherapy has left him in a pretty bad shape, and the cancer is not getting better. I think he won't last much longer. As far as this one rant goes, it means I need money - fast.
And there you go - I have nowhere to run now. I have 3 options - engineering, administration, public jobs. The first I hate, nobody will want to hire me for the second, and the third, though probably the best option in the long term, is too slow. If I get a job in a private company, I won't have the time to study for the public job tests. That, and I don't really know how I'd get into a private company anymore. Most would certainly ask what I've been doing in the last months.
For the last part of this rant, the reason I wrote it right now: I just found out a powerful bank (one of those I'd like to work on) is recruiting for a trainee program in my city (a very rare opportunity). However, it's not just for administration, but for sales. I even went to their website and began to put down the information they wanted, until it finally hit me - Sales? With my social skills? Not a chance.
So, there it is - my own long, over-detailed and boring bitching. I just felt like I needed to tell this story somewhere, and this is perfect.