Solaris by Stanisław Lem
This. It's weird as hell, but brilliant.
You could also try This Perfect Day by Ira Levin, even though it's apparently a ripoff of Brave New World (which I've never gotten around to reading).
If you're into alternate history, check out Eric Flint's Ring of Fire series. You can get the first two books, 1632 and 1633, from Baen's Free Library. Plenty of romance in those. And war, of course.
There's also David Weber's Empire of Man series (March Upcountry, March to the Sea, March to the Stars, We Few). They're mainly about war, but there's a central romance running throughout the story.