^ Granted. Your car will hang on ... a tree until payday.

http://1funny.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/car_on_top_of_tre_01.jpg

So you have to spend all your money to get it down from there.

I wish replacing battery packs in Apple devices wouldn't be so expensive anymore.

Granted. However, the prices of the Apple devices themselves have increased tenfold.

I wish for an Iron Man armor.

^ Grated. You get a fully functional Iron Man armor in size S.

I wish I had a beer right now.

Granted. It's boiling hot.


I wish I could sleep and get rested without time passing.

Time halts whenever you fall asleep, but keeps progressing for everyone else. Now out of sync with the time plane the rest of the world is on, you slip through the cracks of a dimensional rift your wish has created. Now you truly have all the time in all worlds.

I wish for peace on earth. Yeah, I know: not original, but likely the most powerful one.

Granted, now that there is peace on earth everything is really boring, the rate of suicides goes up 500% in the first week only and the rate is increasing very fast! A year later half of the population is dead.

I wish for a cold but not frozen coca cola.

Granted, unfortunately its super cola that rots all your teeth out.
I wish I had a mild heart attack (see what I did there).

Granted, unfortunately you contract MRSA during the procedure to insert a stent to prevent future heart attacks. Multiple amputations follow.

I wish a Comcast tech would show up on time for once

Granted. He's there on time all right... But he can't fix your problem, so he just leaves.

I wish my lava lamp didn't create all those ugly bubbles within the wax.

Man, it's just too bad the way your lamp just exploded like that.

I wish my teeth were perfect.

Granted, your teeth are now perfect. Pitty about all your arms and legs flying off, and the blindness and deafness that immediately overcame you.

I wish I had my own personal roller coaster.

Too bad it's just a model kit. 5.723 pieces to assemble though, still stands only 6 inches tall.

I wish to be a famous high score holder for an 80s arcade game.

Granted, sadly, you were found dead three years ago, having hanged yourself due to depression caused by being a high score holder for an 80s arcade game and never achieving anything since 1987.

I wish Sierra games didn't openly hate the player.

I'm happy to announce the hostile takeover of Sierra Online by Bethesda Softworks. Now Sierra no longer exists, and it's Bethesda that hates everyone.

I wish to lose the 5 kilos I put on over the holidays.

Granted, you lose 5 kilos, along with quite a few more, and keep losing them until you are nothing but bone, and even that evaporates.

I wish The Rolling Stones could play my next birthday party.

(p.s. What's with the Bethesda hate?)