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Using the technology of tomorrow to bring you the excitement of the yesteryear!

GOG.com proudly presents the next step in DRM-free retro-gaming: Retromator 4000, a universal nostalgifier for PC & Mac. Our software engineers are very close to producing a stable version, and we're very excited to finally be able to tell you about this revolutionary piece of software. Even more so, because very soon we'll be able to invite you to take part in public alpha testing of the app! (That is as soon as we get the 0.97a version up and running.*) We're glad that GOG.com users will be the first to take part in our next revolution. Or rather: re-evolution ;-)

Ok, but what's Retromator 4000, you might ask, and what does it do exactly? Without going into technical specifics of quantum-level digital retro engineering, let's just put it as simply as possible: it takes your modern current-gen games and turns them into retrotastic, beautifully pixelated classics or even text-based adventures from back in the time when graphics were an option, not a must. All because we know what GOG.com customers are all about--nostalgic gaming!

We've prepared a little preview of our fantastic app working its magic on three modern age classics: The Witcher, Alan Wake, and Dreamfall: The Longest Journey, so you can easily see the effect Retromator 4000 has on current-gen adventures, RPGs, and action games.

As we said, there's a public alpha version of the software coming towards you as soon as it's done, but there's still plenty of room for your suggestions and input. We would love to know how would you retromate your favorite game, so please--feel free to leave a mock-up screenshot or a piece of text-adventure in the comments below. There are 5 free games waiting for the authors of the best entries! One thing though, the Retromator 4000 will only be usable with DRM-free GOG.com games, so please limit your efforts to retromating only those.

Again, we're extremely happy to be able to introduce this new and exciting GOG.com feature. Please take a moment to see the preview, and maybe stay for the contest mentioned above!

*The estimated time of completion of the public alpha version is based heavily on fuzzy logic and quantum mechanics. In other words--we think that it might be done soon, but it just as well might take much, much longer. Also, in n-1 parallel universes, the Retromator 4000 is already available. The contest deadline is much more specific: Thursday, April 4, at 12:00 GMT.
shut upppppppppp the internet sucks and you're not helping anything
If this were real, I would play they living daylights out of it.
Bah. Far as I'm concerned, the Retromator series has been a complete sell-out ever since the Retromator 3000 started retromating games into pixels instead of ASCII. They're just trying to dumb it down to appeal to modern mainstream users.

The Retromator 2000, now that was a piece of software! I still remember the first time I converted Diablo 2 into a ticker-tape printout... such an improvement...
Nice April fool I nearly fell for it lol.
Might be cool to have a graphic overlay over these new-fangled video games - you know, sometimes I just want all my games to look like they're from the 80s.
lol ! Excellent... though I would have liked the text versions for work ... ;)
nice :)
the preview are excellent ;)
Post edited April 01, 2013 by jlkawaii
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GOG.com: Using the technology of tomorrow to bring you the excitement of the yesteryear!

GOG.com proudly presents the next step in DRM-free retro-gaming: Retromator 4000, a universal nostalgifier for PC & Mac. Our software engineers are very close to producing a stable version, and we're very excited to finally be able to tell you about this revolutionary piece of software. Even more so, because very soon we'll be able to invite you to take part in public alpha testing of the app! (That is as soon as we get the 0.97a version up and running.*) We're glad that GOG.com users will be the first to take part in our next revolution. Or rather: re-evolution ;-)
Hey GOG that was hilarious. I especially laughed at the idea of playing the Witcher in text mode. :P
No, no. Please stop. This is a silly concept.
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Azilut: Bah. Far as I'm concerned, the Retromator series has been a complete sell-out ever since the Retromator 3000 started retromating games into pixels instead of ASCII. They're just trying to dumb it down to appeal to modern mainstream users.

The Retromator 2000, now that was a piece of software! I still remember the first time I converted Diablo 2 into a ticker-tape printout... such an improvement...
This made me laugh.
I'm using Windows 3.1, is this compatible?
I tried the Retromator 4000 Alpha, but didn't get the result I expected. Can any of the blues help me; is this a bug?
Attachments:
You are standing inside the walls surrounding the castle. A torch is lighting a narrow hallway to your left. A dark alley is to your right. You hear guards whistling in the distance. Before you is a gravel path. Behind you is a grassy expanse that looks to reach the castle if tread carefully. The footsteps of a man approaches. Its not yet discernable if he is friend or foe, cook or soldier, commoner or captain. A series of crates align the wall in a perfectly systematic pattern. The wall behind looks as though it may connect to something of importance if used correctly. Beneath one of the crates are two goblets. One is desireable. The other goblet... yuck, you don't want that one.

>:_Check inventory
.... checking inventory:
1. knife
2. blackjack
3. bow and arrows
4. Water Arrows
5. Fire Arrows
6. Moss Arrows
7. Gas Arrows
8. Rope Arrows
9. Noisemaker Arrows
0. Lockpicks
A. Compass
B. Mine
C. Flashbombs
D. Gas Mines
E. Healing Potion
F. Breathing Potion
G. Speed Potions
H. Holy Water
I. Hints Scroll
J. Cheese
K. Apple
L. Bread
M. Steak
>:
>_List Commands
.... please choose from the following options:

1. Move forward
2. Move backward
3. Move left
4. Move right
5. Put out light source
6. Move to shadow
7. Crouch
8. sheath weapon
9. Mantle wall
0. Use Noisemaker Arrow
A. Stack Crates
B. Use mine
C. Use Gas Mine
D. Use Cheese
E. Run until the guards stop chasing you
F. Equip Blackjack
G. Stay put for a bit longer, enjoying the ambiance
H. Pick up valuable Goblet.
I. Pick up yucky goblet.
J. Pickpocket approaching person
K. Read Scroll
L. Listen to guards
>:
>_I
.... you pick up the yucky goblet. It was obvious that no one in any walk of life would find this goblet to be worthy of attention. Even the servants despise the very presence of this cup in the manor. You find that not only is this goblet not desireable to keep, but simply setting it back down won't do the situation proper justice. You, therefore, wind up and slam the goblet back in place causing an attrocious roucous. Guards hear the commotion and come to investigate.
>:
>_D
..... you eat the cheese. First, I would like to point out what happens to cheese left sitting in a poorly ventilated steampunk dungeon for who knows how long... but that would take away from the fact that guards have now caught you and seen you eat their cheese. Game over!
Post edited April 01, 2013 by hucklebarry
I just found out that the text-based MoH can be a bit frustrating :S
Attachments:
mohretro.jpg (52 Kb)
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Arteveld: Ha ha haha;)
I won't take part in the context, as it requires graphical skills, but good luck to everyone who enters!
You could always post a text-mated version, you know. No graphical skills (other than taking a screenshot of a text file) required!