... That when a game walks in with an itty bitty space
And a blinky thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your ... (etc.)

I admit it. I'm one of the select few who really loves text parsers. I prefer text parser adventure games over their point-and-click evolution. And I think text parser games are long overdue for a revival in the form of voice recognition parser games.

There is something about the freedom of a text parser that allowed me to connect more with the game and character, and which personalized the game in a way which most other games can't. It was as if the character was really thinking my thoughts, and doing (or attempting to do) the things in my imagination. True, most text parser games built back in the day were quite limited in how they responded to input outside of their basic parameters, but when you found a game where the developers thought the way you did and let you do things which you thought would not have been possible it opens up a whole different level of connection with a game.

I also do understand that I am in the minority here, and that most people find text parsers archaic and frustrating. So I am starting this thread to start a discussion on why most people seem to dislike text parsers and why people like me exist, who actually adore them. I'd also like to explore what technical limitations are currently in place that prevent text/voice parsers from being implemented in an amazing way in games or interactive media in the future.

-------------------------------------------(last update Nov. 15, 2014)------------------------------------------------
Since it seems I am not alone in my love of text parsers, I'm adding a list of games with a text parser to this first post for ease of reference.

My GOGmix: GOGmix - Games on gog with a text parser interface

Running list of major games with a text parser interface:
Game titles which are not currently available on gog link to the wishlist page for easy upvoting
* denotes game is available on gog as of last edit date

* 1980 - The Zork Anthology (Zork I, II, III, Beyond Zork, Zork Zero, Planetfall)
* 1981 - Softporn Adventure (included in Leisure Suit Larry Collection)
* 1984 - King's Quest 1, 2, & 3 (and 4, too)
1986 - The Black Cauldron HTML Javascript Game
* 1986 - Space Quest 1, 2, & 3
* 1987 - Leisure Suit Larry 1, 2, & 3
* 1987 - Police Quest 1 & 2
1988 - Gold Rush!
* 1989 - Quest for Glory 1 & 2
1989 - Codename: ICEMAN
1989 - The Colonel's Bequest
1989 - Conquests of Camelot: The Search for the Grail
* 1989 - Personal Nightmare
* 1990 - Worlds of Ultima: The Savage Empire
* 1990 - The Hugo Trilogy
1990 - Les Manley in: Search for the King
* 1996 - Harvester
* 1998 - Starship Titanic
* 2004 - Creatures Exodus
* 2009 - TIME GENTLEMEN, PLEASE! + BEN THERE, DAN THAT!
2012 - CYPHER: Cyberpunk Text Adventure
* 2012 - The Real Texas
* 2014 - Hadean Lands

Freeware
links go to game downloads or browser embeds - please remember to always be careful and install files at your own risk)
* The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
* Peasant's Quest
* Trillby's Notes
* Don't shit your pants
* Hank's Quest
* Enclosure
* [url=http://wiw.org/~jess/replicated.html]Space Quest Chapter 0: Replicated[/url]
* Façade

Interactive Fiction Resources
http://www.ifarchive.org/
http://www.ifcomp.org/
http://ifdb.tads.org/

http://nlp-addiction.com/eliza/

I love text parsers too, but sometimes their limitations can be very frustrating. I remember being stuck in Space Quest III because instead of PUSH BUTTON, I kept typing stuff like ENTER CODE, USE KEYPAD etc...

Yes, I think chat bots serve as a good first step into more robust interactions. However, I think the current implementation of chatbot markup languages like AIML need to meld more capacity for finding appropriate answers to questions by searching the internet. Siri and Google Voice are interesting first forays into that, but still need a lot of work. I've only looked into this stuff on a very surface-level, but does anyone have insight into why Siri/Google Voice fail so hard sometimes despite being backed by the largest corporations on the planet?

I like them, too.

I don't think there are any tech limitations keeping them from becoming audible. It's just that nobody actually likes talk-control stuff. Since the 50s, people imagining the future have imagined talking commands to your things out loud, and from time to time such devices are sold. They never sell well, and they never stick around. I can't explain why, but collective experience bears out that people don't like it.

I like typing.

And they don't work very well. Voice commands. I mean you'd just end up with an adventure game that'd dial your mom.

Nah, I'm with you. I enjoyed SQ 1 + 2 more compared to 4 or 5. I enjoyed KQ 1 quite a bit and having played both versions of Leisure Suit Larry (text and point and click) prefer the text version. For some reason, I always found the actions and comments by characters more enjoyable in text games. I also enjoyed laughing at the errors more when you realize that you made a mistake in commands or typed a nonsensical idea.

I like typing, too. I remember learning to touchtype when I was about 6-7 on an Apple IIe running a typing tutor game called Microtype PAWS, and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Do they actually teach touchtyping in the US school system these days? It seems like it is now such a mandatory skill, like having legible handwriting.

I'm also a bit perplexed as to why voice command items don't do well at market. I do wonder though if something like the Oculus Rift might be a way in for voice command interface uptake. Well that's cool -- I guess I've started this topic in the right place because so far we are 4/4 without any text parser haters so far. It's good to know I'm not alone, because running searches on text parser games tends to come up with page after page of people bashing text parsers and praising point-n-click interface.

In revisiting these old games, I remembered why I kind of lost interest in the adventure game genre, and I think a lot of it had to do with the point and click interface to tell the truth. It just feels too linear to me... and boring. I didn't get as involved with or attached to the games as I did when they were being made with text parsers.

For anyone interested, I've started a GOGmix of text parser games. There aren't very many here, are there? Please let me know if you know of any that I have not listed.

http://www.gog.com/mix/games_with_a_text_parser_inteface

This thread title made me laugh out loud! But to answer your question, I don't mind text parsers if there's a way to be given a list of all the possible commands that you could potentially say. But when there is no such list readily accessible in the game and I am supposed to figure it out on my own, I don't like that because I am not creative enough to do well in that kind of scenario. :/

I couldn't help bringing up some Good Old Rap to go with these Good Old Games. :)

I do recall the old Sierra game manuals having a list of verbs that the parser could recognize. They also had walkthroughs for first few parts of the game to help new gamers get started. I wonder if having a built-in hint system that offers keyword suggestions after a certain amount of time or failed entries might work in a modern implementation of text/audio parser game. Maybe it could be an optional setting to turn on or off or to set as x number of tries before giving advice -- this way it would appease both the hardcore "no hand-holding" crowd as well as the "just wanna have fun" crowd.

Then there's some "funny" bugs in the parser like the ending of Leisure Suit Larry 2. ARGH

Yes, there's something about text input that just works. The world feels more solid somehow.

The adventure game this screenshot)

Cypher is the best looking text adventure I know off, but its text parser is way pedantic.

Starship Titanic had chatterbot-style dialogs.

I have heard that <span class="bold">Return to Zork</span> had some limited text-input.

And <span class="bold">Personal Nightmare</span> too.

Thank you for mentioning those titles, I've put the ones available on gog with a verified text parser into my gogmix and will write some summaries up later as I explore the games some more. I also read somewhere that Return to Zork had a text input somewhere in it, but taking a brief skim of some gameplay video on youtube I was not able to find evidence of it.

The Starship Titanic game with chat bots looks intriguing, particularly since Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy author Douglas Adams was behind it. I wish it were available here. In case others have the same wish, here is a convenient link to the wishlist entry on gog (apparently it's actually somewhat popular, close to 1000 votes as of this post): http://www.gog.com/wishlist/games/starship_titanic

I have no particular allegiance to the text parser, but I can't think of a dialogue system (in terms of RPGs and adventure game puzzles) better than one that would use a parser.

I really try, but I can't :D.