The right words come as they are meant to. "A picture speaks a thousand words", and besides the words we have shared, your picture says a lot. Thank you for sharing :) I had intended to write two more pieces here: firstly about my farewell to my grandfather, and secondly, how challenging the funeral was for me. I had already said my farewell to my grandfather whilst he was alive. The funeral was for my family, and that was the challenging part. I haven't said a word to my mother since that day, and will not do so until I can find calm within. I need to stop warring with myself and others. The two elders who meant the most to me were my grandfather and his sister Edna (Aunty Ed to me) and both taught me "if you do not have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all." I struggle with that lesson.

I wrote the following to my friend Erlend(the person who introduced me to GOG) via email on the day after I last saw my grandfather:

"I was pleased to have a private moment with my grandfather yesterday where I got to pass on the following message: "Thank you Pa for passing on your strength, your love, your teachings, and for being one of the most inspirational and strongest people I have ever met. I cannot express in words how much you mean to me and I love you dearly. Rest now. I love you." I tried to be stoic like him but could not say my farewell without tears in my eyes, just as I have now typing this to you. He was lucid, even though he is emaciated and weighs a mere 41kg now. I was holding his hands with mine as I spoke, and could tell that he was very emotional too. He said to me "Thank you Blake, it was lovely to see you." We held hands in silence and a nurse came along to interrupt the moment. He isn't getting a moment of peace in a room with 3 other people. It was really difficult for me to handle seeing what "health care" is. I stood up, smiled at him, and said "Farewell...cheerio Pa, have a good one!" and left the hospital and bawled my eyes out."

The next day I visited the cemetery and prayed to all of my ancestors there, one by one, to ask him to let go and tell him that everything would be okay, that he had done his job, and it was rest time for him. I went home that day. Thea's father drove 1200km (750 miles) to pick me up and take me home. He has severe arthritis and has recently had malignant tumours removed. I was amazed by that show of love from him.

The next day my mother called me late in the evening. My grandfather had passed peacefully after refusing to eat and take any medications other than a morphine drip. He made that decision the day I prayed to my ancestors in the cemetery.

"Poor taste" and humour course strongly through my veins. Thank you for lightening up the thread :)

Another "thank you to everyone" for taking the time to comment, and especially to the thread focus being on sharing stories, rather than just being a comment on the story I shared. That is more beautiful to see and feel than to receive feedback on my own story. I am okay and will be okay. Another day, another step, another word, another lesson; a life lived :)

Happy birthday Pa. It feels strange for December 24th to roll around and for you to not be here any more.

Just because you can not see him doesn't mean he is't still there with you. =)

He is definitely with me and must have gotten through to my mother. She apologised for not letting me speak at his funeral after she talked to a friend and realised that she make a mistake that hurt me deeply.

Thank you all for your replies in this thread, it really helped me to have an outlet for my grief, which still comes in waves.

A FAIR DINKUM AUSSIE BATTLER,reminded me so much of my Father.
They don't make em' like that anymore....

Agreed!